people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No more Irish car bombs ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
