i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
