But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
