I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
