so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
