I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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