Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
