five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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