I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
