The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
