But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
