so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
