So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize