There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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