just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
