You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
