it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
