just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
