Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
