I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
