I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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