I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
