she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was confusing and full of hummus
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
