WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
