Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
