She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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