dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
