dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
