he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
