I wish I could punch you in the face.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize