Got a toothbrush?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
