you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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