My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
