I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
