Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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