i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
