I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
