...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
