Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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