I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
