I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
