i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
