ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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