the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
