Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
