i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
