Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
