my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
