You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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