i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
