I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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