Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
