Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
