Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
