So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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