I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
