Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize