Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
