i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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