Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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