Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
