yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
