never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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