I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
