im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
