I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
