I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
