Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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