I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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