Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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