proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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