So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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