the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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