So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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